Forget the Mitchell Report. We have now discovered the true extent of performance enhancing drugs in baseball.
SI: You never told me why you didn’t like the haircut.
Sheen: I didn’t like the haircut because it generated so many comments in bars. I’ve got enough of that already. Add that to the mix, and it’s a recipe for a fistfight. I was already bitchy because — let’s just say that I was enhancing my performance a little bit. It was the only time I ever did steroids. I did it for like six or eight weeks. You can print this, I don’t give a f—. My fastball went from 79 to like 85.
Now that I know that “Wild Thing” needed PEDs to strike out that Yankee in the ALCS (and that his fastball wasn’t really in triple digits), how can I possibly believe anything that’s happened in baseball over the last 22 years was real? What’s next — finding out that Pedro Cerrano didn’t really go on to become President of the United States?