You know, we have a lot of fun around here at Instead of Texting.
A few times a week, we all gather ’round the ol’ water cooler and just enjoy ourselves. We have some laughs over the foibles of our favorite athletes. We relive past sporting glories. We try to take a fresh look at the week’s sports news.
It’s all pretty light stuff.
But today, I want to talk to you about something serious: identity theft.
Now, if you’re like I was, ID theft probably isn’t something that worries you. You’re safe, you think, with your legion of alphanumerically diverse, randomly capitalized passwords; your scrupulous commitment to document shredding; and that hidden pocket in your wallet where you’ve hidden your Social Security card since eighth grade. No one’s going to steal your John/Jane Hancock/Messerschmidt. No sir-ree-bob.
But let me tell you something: you’re vulnerable. We’re all vulnerable. That’s something I’ve learned from this year’s NCAA tournament.
Last week, as you’ll recall, Jeremy posted a link to the home page for our little tete a tete in ESPN’s Tournament Challenge. If you’ve checked back in, you know my bracket’s turned out poorly.
(Notre Dame? In the national title game? Really?)
I am not a moron. I am not among the bottom 2/7 of America’s basketball prognosticators. I know myself like the back, front, sides and hairy knuckles of my hand, and I can tell you that I wouldn’t make picks like that. That’s not what I’m about.
What I can’t tell you is who did this. But I’m going to put a lot of time and effort into figuring that out. I’m going to go about this logically. I’m going to ask the right questions: Who has a motive to do something like this? Who benefits from my poor performance? Who has the means to pull off such an act? Who shares a sports-themed blog with me, one protected by a password identical to the one on my ESPN account?
I don’t have the answers. Not yet. And I’m not going to wildly accuse anyone of anything. I’m just going to find the clues and follow them where they lead. I’m going to draw logical conclusions. I’m going to be fair.
After all that reasoning, a certain conclusion may present itself. I may have to look at all the facts and realize that, if the shoe fits, then Jeremy stole my identity and wrecked my NCAA tournament bracket, and I can’t forgive him for it.
As further evidence of Jimmy’s desperation to explain away his performance so far in our little competition, I present the following text messages sent between us on Monday:
Jimmy: Worth noting: I have a 2nd espn bracket that I forgot to enter in any groups. It’s in the 96th percentile.
Jeremy: Worth noting: It doesn’t count for the IoT Bracket Challenge.
Jimmy: I hate you.